How Are You?
When people ask how you are, most people instinctively reply with “fine.” Most of us know that isn’t the case, and that in reality, lots of people are struggling with their day-to-day. So how come they never share their true feelings? Well, this list breaks down the common reasons why. Which of these points do you relate to?
1. Not Your Business
At other times, the person is not saying "I'm fine" because they're really fine, but because they don't want to be interrogated or criticized about how they're feeling. The person might not want to be vulnerable or feel as if they're taking a risk by saying how they really feel, for example if they believe the other person is going to be uncomprehending. In some cases, they are just trying to keep their business private, or believe it's none of anyone's business.
2. Keeping It Quiet
When people say that they are fine when they really are not, it is because they do not wish to discuss their issues and emotions. Voicing what they are experiencing may be too daunting, too uncomfortable, or too unsafe, so the option of keeping everything to themselves seems to be the safest. If they say that they are fine, they can avoid any pressure, questions, or unsolicited advice and keep control of their privacy.
3. Less of a Burden
Occasionally, individuals may feign well-being due to a reluctance to impose their tribulations upon others. This behavior is often rooted in the fear that their own adversities will manifest as stress or discomfort for those in their social circle. To avoid causing distress, they prefer to shield not only the others but also themselves from such emotional burdens.
4. Can’t Be Helped
The usual response is that they are fine when they are not because they do not believe you can help. They may feel that talking about the things that are upsetting them will not change the situation or offer any solutions. They may not want to say because they do not want to burden you.
5. Pleasantries
At other times, people claim to be fine when they're not because they feel you're just asking out of politeness and don't really care. The person thinks their problems will be ignored or dismissed if they open up. Claiming they're fine is self-protection against apathy or judgment.
6. Hiding the Pain
People often claim to be okay in order to shield their pain from others. They may be afraid of being judged, pitied, or perceived as weak if they disclose the extent of their suffering. They keep their pain to themselves to maintain a sense of control and protect themselves.
7. In Denial
Sometimes when people are lying and say they're fine, they may just not have accepted their emotions yet. They could still be in the process of sorting out what they are feeling and aren't ready to admit or display them yet. Claiming to be fine can be a coping mechanism while they figure things out on their own.
8. Social Norms
Individuals frequently claim they are okay even when they are not, as it is an unwritten social rule to provide a cursory, courteous answer. To say they are not doing well may seem crude or impolite in small talk. By saying they are fine, they are abiding by the norm and do not want to highlight their problems.
9. Past Failures
Occasionally, people lie about their well-being because when they did say that they weren't okay, they were met with disinterest, dismissal, mockery, or ridicule. Following that, they may be less inclined to share their feelings for fear of getting rejected or ridiculed. Telling people they're fine is a coping mechanism for emotional self-preservation.
10. Skipping the Cutscene
People say they're fine when they're not because "fine" is the "skip cutscene" of small talk. It's a socially acceptable way to breeze past the question. It allows them to dodge articulating feelings without signaling or inciting further inquiry. Dropping "fine" is a conversational shortcut to keep things simple and polite.
11. Don’t Want to Whine
Some people feel pressured to say they are okay when they aren't. They might be afraid of being perceived as a whiner. Even when they're just being honest about their feelings, others might take it as complaining. By claiming to be fine, they can avoid judgment or labels and keep their emotions private.
12. It’s Embarrassing
Sometimes when people say they're fine, they actually are not fine but find it embarrassing to admit it. They may feel judged, misunderstood, or inadequate if they open up. Declaring that they are fine shields them from such experiences.
13. Want to Be Left Alone
They do not want anyone else hovering over them or over-analyzing every aspect of their life. They need time to digest everything on their own terms and at their own pace. They also may say that they are fine in order to set some boundaries and protect their privacy.
14. Handling It
Occasionally, people will claim they are fine because they prefer handling their issues by themselves. They might be more comfortable working through their feelings without relying on others. Declaring they are fine may let them keep independence while sorting through challenges.
15. Holding Back Tears
They might want to appear strong and keep their emotions to themselves. Claiming to be fine is a defense mechanism to guard against vulnerability and emotional exposure. For all you know, some people may be on the verge of tears and are just trying to keep the doors closed.
16. Not Feeling Safe
People have a need for psychological safety, so they must feel a sense of safety and trust before they will reveal what is really going on. In many situations, people do not trust enough to make the act of opening up seem worthwhile or even safe, as they fear that others will use their vulnerabilities to their own advantage. Telling someone they are fine is then a form of self-preservation until the individual can feel safe enough to be truthful.
17. Not the Right Person
They are looking for someone with whom they have a deeper or more comfortable relationship. They may not trust or feel close to the person inquiring. By saying they are fine, they are holding on to their feelings until they can tell the appropriate person.
18. Don’t Want to Drag Others
At times, a person may tell others that they are 'fine' when they are not, when they view their own problem or dilemma as something that is their own issue and not that of another individual. The person does not wish to burden or implicate the other person with their own difficulties. By telling others that they are fine, they are able to cope on their own and keep their personal matters private.
19. It’s Complicated
They say they're fine because they know it's complicated and it takes effort to explain. When you're tired or stressed out, it's so much easier to give a short answer than to explain what's really happening. They say they're fine because it's the easy way to take a break without having to talk much.
20. Fake It Till You Make It
At times, people may claim to be okay when they are not because they are faking it till they make it. They attempt to look confident or calm in the hope that this becomes true. Claiming to be okay allows them to keep up a front while they sort things out.
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